Am I nervous, yes. Am I scared, yes. Am I excited, yes. Is time dragging along like a marathon of out of shape runners? As the time grows closer the more excited, nervous, scared, and anxious I get. At least the diet is getting more and more manageable each day. I am no longer non-stop hungry and actually feel like I might survive this torture. I feel like someone packed the clock with mud. I put a countdown timer on my blog page and it looks to me like it is running in slow motion.
Have you ever wondered how we can manage our way through the slow times and not go totally insane. I have often thought I was going to go crazy waiting on something special I had prepared for but yet seemed to take forever to get to the appointed time. Anticipation and excitement can make the clock stand still. It has a tendency to be like a slow dripping faucet that you can't get stopped or someone scraping their fingernails across a chalk board. It just grates on your nerves as the anticipation builds and excitement multiplies.
Preparation for the surgery has included meetings with professionals, medical pre-tests like cardiac, blood screening, physical tests, and a psych test that I guess must have proven that I am not totally gone off my rocker. Then several weeks of dreading the pre-surgery diet and 4-5 days of thinking I was going to die from starvation at the beginning. But now that I have gotten into the routine of the diet it really isn't as bad as I dreaded it was going to be. Now I just need to get by this slow time and dragging days. But before I know it, I will be laying on the prep table getting ready to go into surgery and having some really strong final thoughts about am I doing the right thing. I know in my heart that I am though. It has been a long hard struggle with the weight and the diabetes. I am looking forward to that being behind me.
Something about this diet must be working though. Of course, they tell us that the purpose of the diet is to soften and shrink the liver to give better access for the laproscopic procedure. It must be having the desired effect as something is getting much smaller in my abdominal region. I am losing the large bloated belly fat area by leaps and bounds. I can't believe how much it has gone down in just one week. I have been wondering what skinny George is going to look like. I have not seen him in a very long time. I already feel better from just the amount of weight I have lost in this first week of extreme dieting. Now that I am not nearly as edgy, I can really tell how much different I feel physically than I did just a week ago. I know I am resting better as I am waking up now in the same position I went to sleep. I have not done that for quite a while either. It must mean I am not tossing and turning all night.
As each day and hour count down to the big event, I feel as if a new beginning is waiting for me just around the corner. There are so many activities I look forward to doing almost like doing them for the very first time. Things that I have not been able to do or not been able to do very comfortably for a very long time. When I get to thinking about things like this I realize that I have actually forgotten what it is like to live as a normal sized person in a normal sized body. I have struggled with weight and size issues for so long, it will be strange being able to do many things without having to be so uncomfortable or miserable because of the shape I have been in for such a long period of time. Silly little things like wearing bluejeans that have a size number that starts with a 3 instead of a 4. I vaguely remember those sizes. Most car seats these days are designed for people with a much narrower frame. So sitting in a car will be more comfortable. Walking up a few flight of stairs without carrying an extra hundred pounds along for the ride. Being able to use pieces of equipment that have a 200 or 250lb listed weight limit without having to worry about whether the thing is going to collapse with my fat but on it. Being able to get up and down off of short seats, especially round porcelain ones, without it being a major amount of work to do so. These are silly little things that go through my mind as I imagine what life after the surgery is going to be like when I lose all of this excess weight.
One more week and then I can start really experiencing the life as a new me. It is going to be very nice. I just need to remain focused on this weeks events and continue to prepare myself for a very big event, one week from today.
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